Animal lover or Hunter?

So, I came across a post asking people how someone can be an animal lover and a hunter.  They basically said that if you hunt there is no way that you love animals.

This post upset me to another level… why? because I am both. I love animals, and I appreciate them, their beauty and how mesmerizing they are.  During the end of summer and early fall you can find my husband and myself getting PUMPED up for deer season.  Deer is all I’ve really hunted, although my husband has hunting a number of things.  You can find us spending hours preparing for the season.  Whether it is handing tree stands, shooting arrows, making food plots or watching film from other hunters to try to learn from their mistakes.  We aren’t just trophy hunters (although trophies are nice) we hunt to put meat in the freezer for upcoming meals.

I love watching animals and all the funny things they do… During the off season we go places to watch them feed and look at how cute their babies are.  We also go to his dads farm in another state to shed hunt.  For those of you who don’t know, shed hunting is walking around property looking for the “sheds” or antlers that have dropped off.  This is one of my favorite times of year because I find it so cool that deer drop their antlers and grow new ones every year!

Do you think that a person can be both an animal lover and a hunter?


Here are a few pictures from our trip from watching deer

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So a few months ago I got in a car accident. I was stopped at a stop sign and another driver was turning into the road I was on. Well the driver turned the corner too sharply and completely hit my car..everyone was fine, I was so stressed I came straight home and got extremely sick like my entire dinner and then some sick. Anyways not even part of my rant.. so a week or two passes and I get my car back from the shop and I am going to the grocery store. Before I get out of the car I always check my mirrors to make sure that no one is coming before opening my door. Well sure enough someone was pulling into the spot next to me. I wait until the park and they automatically start getting out of there car. Ok, that’s fine so I just sit and wait.. as I’m waiting the guy in the passengers seat (which is the side next to my car) opens his door.. I started saying please don’t hit my car…. well he opened it all the way until it’s resting on my car!!!! On my brand new fender and paint job!!!!!!! I automactially say are you fucking kidding me? Mind you I doubt he heard anything I said.. well I get out of my car and check to see if the paint was chipped… it was! Again my blood starts boiling and I very loudly say “thanks for chipping my brand new paint job asshole!” Mind you they didn’t turn around or say a word to me.. it’d be different if he at least said sorry.. but he didn’t.. inconsiderate.. 

This situation makes me never want to have anything nice! No matter how much you take care of your belongings someone isn’t going to care.  What happened to the times when we cared for each other and eachothers belongings? 

Personally I try my absolute best to respect others and their things when I go shopping or to the store even if the other person isn’t parked correctly I still put my hand between my car and theirs because I’d want someone to do the same for me. I also put grocery carts away when leaving the store because I would hate if one ran away and completely dinged my car! 

Some Talk To You In Their Free Time

And some free their time to talk to you….

As i mentioned in my previous post I am a military spouse and we were uprooted from our friends and family to move to our duty station.  That duty station just happened to be 15 hours from home..

It always starts out great, your friends constantly texting you, checking in to make sure you’re still breathing.. Then one day it all stops.  Of course there are a few that still keep in contact. But it feels as though the bulk of my “friendships” have ended.. at least until i go home for a visit. They hear I’m in town and instantly are texting me “I better see you!”  My instant thought of that text is yeah… right… You want nothing to do with me while I’m gone and struggling with depression.. What makes you think I want to talk to you about my life now, and tell you how much of a shit show this year has been?

Of course when they actually text with plans I jump on it because I’m sick and tired of being alone.. but is that even a friendship?

I get it.. phones work both ways, but I was always the one to text first so eventually I said FUCK IT. If they want to talk to me.. they will.. and then they never did. So much for being BFF’s.  I will say that there has been some that still talk to me.. One has her entire life together.. husband, kid, house, job and she still finds time in her busy schedule to reach out.. and of course my true best friend I talk to just about everyday.

I guess just seeing how many friends other MILSO’s have at their duty stations makes me jealous? I’m also jealous of the fact that my husband has a ton of friends here.. although he HAS been here longer than myself.. and has to spend 24 hours every other day with these people who have grown into friends and family.

Just trying to patiently wait for my turn…

Anyone else out there that’s been uprooted for work, military, or their SO feel the same way?

You’re Stronger Than you Think

At least, that’s what people keep saying…

Let me start by telling you I have never done something like this so this might be a bumpy ride.   I am 25, and married to the man of my dreams.  We have been married for 4 years in July.  We got married in 2013 but didn’t have a “normal” marriage until 2015.  See he is in the military, and I was in the middle of my degree in a completely different state.  No one said it would be easy but it was done and now we are living happily together away from everything that we’ve known.  Yes, people do it all the time but no one ever really talks about how difficult it really is.  Being away from your hometown, family, and friends it’s tough but nothing could have possibly prepared us for this year.  Losing my mother in law, grandmother, and now having a miscarriage. Our world has been broken and shaken and I’m constantly forcing smiles and laughs.  All I want is to crawl in bed and never leave.  Never face people, having them asking “What’s wrong?, You doing Ok?” Of course, I can’t do that.  The devil will not win this battle but he sure is trying.  I say I’m fine and put that ever so polished smile on my face but am I really?  For now, no I’m not but eventually I will be.

Lets go back to April 11, 2017, the day I got my first positive pregnancy test.  We weren’t even trying, we decided that come my next period we would start.  I had just bought the first of what I thought would be many ovulation strips.  Those were no longer needed because WE WERE PREGNANT!!! I was so happy, we needed something positive! February we lost my husbands mom.  March we lost my grandmother, a week after my grandmother we lost her brother.. Now was the time, the time for positivity!! My best friend already knew, because with this being the first time I could have possibly been pregnant I was freaking out and needed talked through this.  I told my husband that night when I took him dinner. Followed by telling my parents and his dad and sister shortly after, I wanted to tell my brother but wanted to wait for the perfect moment like he did when he told me.  I wanted everyone to know that way if something went wrong we would all be in it together.

Weeks went on and my brothers birthday came up so of course we told him and his wife.  I went in for my first ultrasound at what we thought would have been week 9 of my pregnancy.  I went in expecting to see a little nugget, and hear a heartbeat.  They started with an abdominal ultrasound which they couldn’t really see anything.  So they went on it and started looking all they were able to find was the gestational sack, and yolk sack.  The technician and OB/GYN didn’t seem too concerned but sent me for blood work and would need me to come back in a week for another ultrasound.  At this point we were still positive, they said it could have just been that I ovulated late.  They took my blood and called me in the middle of the week with results which I thought were good my hCg levels were going up but not like they had anticipated.  I always had a feeling that this would happen to me, but my better half kept my hopes alive.  Even after the next ultrasound which showed the same thing the following week he was still positive until the doctor confirmed our heartbreak.  “Belighted Ovum” is the medical term but in people talk it basically means that my body was pregnant but there was no baby growing…

 I was crushed, hell I still am! We of course had a decision to make… Option 1:  Let my body get rid of it naturally, which I’ve read most women prefer since they get a sense of closure seeing it come out of their body. Downfall, it could take weeks or days for this to happen. Option 2:  Take an oral pill that will speed things along causing you to essentially go into “labor” and have it come out that way. (most painful according to others) Option 3:  “D & C” (Dilation and curettage) which is a surgical procedure that dilates the cervix and curettage refers to removing the contents of the uterus by scraping the uterine wall and sucking it out.

 I chose option 3, people might ask why and say that I’m wrong and many other things but in the end it was my decision. I don’t regret my decision, my mother had to have the same procedure with her first pregnancy.  But only after taking the oral method and it not being successful.  Not saying that would happen to me but my mom and I are basically twins so why take that chance? I just wanted everything to be over with and to move on and try again.   After going home and looking up the procedure more I started to get major anxiety.  I mean SCRAPE… hello that sounds awful! Luckily it wasn’t as terrible as they made it sound, I woke up a little sore and nauseous, but that passed.

 Fast forward to now, 3 weeks after the procedure.  I still cry occasionally I think what hurts the most is the fact that there are people who have no issues at all with pregnancy.  They eat the things they aren’t supposed to eat, they drink, smoke, all kinds of things you’re supposed to give up for 9 months.  Yet, they have their babies… Am I depressed? probably.. everyone who knows keeps telling me “be positive,” “cheer up,” “your time will come, and it will be great because this happened,” “try working out, it will make you feel better,” but its easy for them to say that.  The only one who truly gets it is my best friend and of course my husband.  I honestly don’t think I could function without them.

 Who knew being an adult could be so hard?

 Let me know what you think in the comments, or if you have had a similar situation.  I know while going through this.. it was hard to find posts about belighted ovum and D&C’s.